Tonight, under the shroud of darkness, I admit the silence is deafening, and the brave face I show the world is nothing but a fragile mask.
**Tonight, under the shroud of darkness, I admit the silence is deafening, and the brave face I show the world is nothing but a fragile mask.**
It’s 3 AM, and the quiet is a physical weight in this room. Most people would find comfort in it, perhaps peace. For me, it’s just an echo chamber for all the things I refuse to say out loud when the sun is up.
They ask, “How are you doing?” And I automatically, reflexively, without thought, say, “I’m good. Just busy.” Or, “Hanging in there!” Sometimes, if I’m feeling particularly adventurous, “Couldn’t be better!”
It’s a lie. It’s always been a lie, or at least, a significant omission of truth. But how do you tell someone, over coffee or during a quick work call, that you’re slowly drowning? That every morning feels like surfacing just enough for a gasp of air before being pulled under again?
I’ve become an expert at deflection. A master of the quick smile, the reassuring nod. I talk about my plans, my projects, the little victories, anything to keep the conversation light, to keep it away from the murky depths of my actual existence.
Because the truth is, I’m not doing well. The foundations that I thought were solid have cracked under pressure I didn’t even realize was building. The weight of expectations, my own and others’, has simply become too much.
The silence I hear tonight isn’t just the absence of sound; it’s the absence of connection. I’ve pushed people away, not maliciously, but out of a perverse sense of protection. I don’t want them to see the mess, to feel the ripple effect of my unraveling.
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This story is part of the K-Will Stories archive — an anonymised, content-warned, candle-react grief-and-resilience collection. Reading: 7 min · Theme: midnight-confessions · Mood: heavy.
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